An open letter to my daughter

Two days before, as I was listening to Kiran Bedi’s speech as part of an office event, I realised my inspiration to work outside home is not my working mother, not Kiran Bedi herself, but my Daughter who joyfully goes to her creche when I drop her off before I leave for work.

When I got pregnant with my girl as soon as I joined by new office, I had a feeling that this is the end of my career. Nevertheless, the pregnancy period was incredibly exciting and me enjoying that superwoman attitude. So now since I could still continue to work, all thanks to the in-house creche facility in office, I should apologise to my girl. Hence, I came up with this open letter for her.

My dear sweetheart,

The first sight I saw of you was the big black eyes looking around, curious to see the world. 21 months later now, we are partners in our development. Every morning, we have our bags to pack- mine with my office documents, lunch box, ID tag etc and yours with food, extra clothes, diapers etc. If you were not supportive enough, I would have had to stay at home wasting the investment on me.

So I want you to remind me of my following promises to you if at all I forget them out of my selfish love and insecurities:-

• ·         When you grow up, I want you to be empowered not just educated.
• ·         Choose your career based on your passion and not mine.
• ·         Be involved in outdoor games, to build endurance, be disciplined and have a sense of sportsman spirit.
• ·         Learn to be independent but take sensible decisions about what you think is right.
• ·         Make your own share of mistakes and learn to move on with renewed spirit.
• ·         Believe in yourself and not pull yourself down because you are a girl.
• ·         Treat the disadvantaged with compassion and lend a helping hand whenever possible.
• ·         I do not want to discriminate and deny you anything which I would have given you if you were my son.

Last but the most important of all, I do not want candles lit before your photograph like any other mother in the World. So be safe, be brave and know that your home will always be there for you.

,Love and hugs

Amma

In Memoriam

This post is dedicated to an integral part of the family which was lost eight years back. Till this date, our family has not come over the loss and maybe, would never do.

Here I am referring to my maternal Uncle. Jacob was his name, Teaching was his passion. Mathematics was his subject. “Karadi”(bear) was his nickname. His students called him so, hope you have watched the Mohanlal starrer “Sphadikam” in which the father character donned by Thilakan was called the "Kaduva". So it was a similar nickname from his students.

I loved him. He loved me. I was his first niece. When I was born and he got the news from someone other than family, he did not talk to anyone and refused to have dinner. The lady who came for bathing the baby (me), went and kept me near him. That was the first meeting between us. I don’t remember exactly what happened that day, but I wish I did. When I grew up, I was taken to my maternal home by him during the vacations. I used to vomit throughout the journey in the bus from Trivandrum to Valakom. I used to fight over trivial things and run behind to hit him. All aside, comes vacation again, he’ll be there asking permission from my parents to take me to his home.

I remember fighting with him for pronouncing ‘Add’ as’ Aad’, for teasing me for writing Malayalam poems and inserting words like “kudmalam” which meant flower bud. He came and cleared all my doubts regarding Maths before my 10^th standard exams.

We lost him to a bike accident on 23^rd March 2008. The newspaper report said that he was returning from his sister’s house(my home) in Trivandrum which was not true. My mother could not bear to loss him, she was crying outside the house late night. Since my father was working away from home, my neighbour dropped us in our car at my mother’s house. The whole street was empty and looking eerie in the darkness when we reached. My father came with my mother’s sisters from Thiruvalla. No one had the courage to go in to the house to which he would never return again.

My younger uncle had to be called from the India-Bangladesh border. He was heartbroken, sitting in a corner, he did not cry, he did not move…he could not believe. Five days after his death, we buried him. All his relatives from abroad had to reach. His body was kept for “pothudharshanam” in his school and later in his house. That is when I realised he was not what I saw, he was much more than that.

How I wish he was among us today…to be there with me on my wedding, to watch me and my husband live as a family, to see my daughter and pinch her like how he did to me.He must be watching us from the heavens and smiling at us.

It is a big loss for my little plum, I wish she had him. Nevertheless she has Renimummy (his wife) to mother her. We owe our lives to her for being there always, for all of us.

Our salutes to him for the salutes we receive when people realise we are part of his family

Battle against "The Guilt"

Yes, I’m already in the middle of it.” The Working Mom’s battle against guilt”

I had to join back to work when Jiya was exactly 4 months, 2 weeks and 6 days old. Though I requested for an extension of leave, my company’s HR policy did not allow me to do that. But the silver lining is that we have a creche run by a third party within our premises and can bring our child from 6 months onwards. I had almost quit my job as I was in the pessimistic end of the waiting list for the creche. But by God’s grace, there was some rearrangement after which I was confirmed admission for Jiya.

Since Jiya was only little more than 4 and a half months old then, I had 6 long weeks before I could take her to the office creche with me. So I send SOS signals to both my mothers who gave a heads up for me to proceed. My mom came in for the first week, more than that she could not stay as she’s also working. She started the procedure of weaning which was painful for me, for any mom, in fact. But nevertheless, I did not want Jiya to be crying while I went to office. Children are happy when they are fed well, right? I was imagining my mom’s plight when I did not eat anything when I was small. Scary it would have been for her also.

So the first week went off quite smoothly which gave me confidence to continue. By “smoothly”, I meant she was not crying in my absence but my heart definitely was missing her. She was feeding on my milk (expressed and stored in fridge), Bottle milk, dried banana powder and ragi. She quite enjoyed her menu, much to relief of the family, my extended family also. They were all happy that Jiya did not inherit my eating habits. What no one knew was that the only 2 things I prayed while I was pregnant were:-

• My child should not be reluctant to have food ( because my mom had tough time with me)
• My child should be able to sing (which is yet to be confirmed)

Before the first week concluded, before my mom returned to Trivandrum, we got a domestic help from Kerala. So my mother briefed her about the roles and responsibilities of the new post and conducted the induction training. So my MIL joined us to help us through this difficult journey. Now Jiya is being looked after my MIL and the maid while I’m away at office.

This is the fourth week of the journey. And ask me how it feels. I’m picking my pace at office. Jiya has got used to her schedule without me from 10.30am to 9.30pm. But she gets restless from 8pm until I return home.

The best part of it is…she laughs out loud upon seeing me come inside the house and she kisses me too, and that too thrice (not less, not more). Nobody taught her all that…kids are too fast and understanding. Grownups need to grow up to them and preserve their qualities all through the life.

The worst part is, today I had to detach her forcibly from me to catch the office cab, and it was heartbreaking. If it is a battle, someone has to get hurt; sometimes all are hurt. Jiya cried but understood me and went to my MIL. It was me who was disturbed all through the day in office.

Life, as they say, is like this…

A trip of a lifetime...

Now It's more than half a month since I've returned from my North Indian trip, which was more of a root-tracing yaatra than anything else. The yaatris included myself, my hubby and my mother-in-law. Two-way airtickets were booked well ahead in June but those dates were only thing we knew about the trip until mid- October.The rest of it was all God's grace.We reached Agra the same day we started and that too on a full-moon night, but we were not fortunate enough to see the moon-lit Taj. What a loss!

As for me, a typical mallu girl was suddenly transformed into a "bahu", "bhaabi" and "maami" and further I realised my husband was an Anglo-Bengali-Mallu.We ate hot jalebis and kachoris for breakfast and walked to the Halwaai for Rabdi and kullad-waala doodh in the evenings. While mummy and hubby talked fully in Hindi, I spoke Hindi to kiddos and English to elders. What if something goes wrong?!!
Since I dont want to write this as a travel blog, I'll give away useful tips for those traveling to Agra, Jaipur, Shimla and Delhi.

AGRA

• Visit Archaeological Survey of India (ASI) website and plan your Agra accordingly, if you are interested in the night-viewing of the Taj Mahal.
• You'll find professional photographers at the Gates of the Taj. If you are interested in making albums of you at the Taj, confirm wih your photographer the number of pics to be taken and the rates as specified by the ASI (look near the South Gate of the Taj). Don't fall prey to the his marketing tactics.
• Bargain for all items starting at half the price, actually they are worth only that.
• Spend a whole day in Taj if you are very much interested in photography. My husband was and We went twice to the Taj. the second time he was more interested in shooting down the parrots, pigeons, storks and squirrels with his brand new Canon PowerShot SX30IS.

JAIPUR

• For those who intend to drive from Agra to Jaipur (like we did) - Start early in  the morning and keep enough money as change to pay the toll fees throughout. The roads are awesome though.
• Buy audio guides only if it is being provided by ASI (e.g., in Hawa Mahal). Buy audio guides from other sources only if you are a die-hard fan of the place (e.g., in Jantar Mantar).
• Needless to say, stock upon sunscreen lotions and drinking water. Dont forget your sunglasses too.
• Revise on your bargaining skills again, thoroughly.

SHIMLA

• For those who intend to drive from Agra or Delhi to Shimla  - Start early in  the morning and never leave the National Highway even if you think there is a shortcut through some other road. You might end up driving a 100 km for 4 hours, thanks to all the potholes, sorry "pot-trenches".
• Ideally stay close to the Mall road in Shimla and not in the Valley. Recommendation - Shiwalik Regency, Near Christ Church.
• Visit Jakhu Temple, Kufri, Mashobra and Naldehra during the day. In the evening, visit Christ Church near the Ridge, walk the Mall road and do your shopping. Give your bargaining skills a rest, since Shimal does not favour it anyways.
• I love the motto "I love Shimla, I walk" in Mall Road.
• Amazing printed T-shirts are3 available at "REBORN" at the Mall Road, we bought 8 of them. Good collection, I must say.

DELHI

• Since, only 1 whole day was available in Delhi, we chose Qutub Minar, Bahai Temple and Akshardham Temple Complex. From Akshardham, we took the Metro and went to India Gate, which is beautiful at Sunset.
• Akshardham Temple complex is an architectural wonder and leaving Delhi without visiting it is sheer foolishness.
• It happened to be so that we finshed our yaatra with a salute at Amar Jawan Jyoti.

I'm trying to overcome my "writer's block" through this post.
Wish me luck, guys.

Cuz disasters

Though I have only one brother (thank you Amme, Appe, I seriously didnt want more siblings), I have 8 cousins each from both my parents' side. This stats does not include the endless list of second cousins and third cousins and so on, who are equally important. ( I don't want to be disowned from the family property if they find out who I am, wicked me)

"The fewer, the better", says Ammachi (read, maternal grandma). She will be complaining that we all dont meet together, only until we do. Then when all her satanic grandchildren arrive, she'll be running helter-skelter with her hens. 

How I miss all that fun at home fighting with the 3-4 hours of Bangalore traffic...

As I have mentioned before, I'm married and is slowly behind led to the torture of "vishesham onnum aayille?" while my youngest cuz is still a toddler. A few days ago, she was crowned as the Ultimate Bandit Queen of the kin. She's the true replica of her ex-military father. Ammachi and Appachan along with all at the tharavaadu say in chorus, "Ho, ivalu aalu oru pirishaa!" Though all in my generation heard quite a lot of that, Neha is tasting the cream of it.

Uusual for an 18-month old lady, she's trying to shave her facial hair with a lost-and-found razor which belongs to her Dad. Thank goodness, the blade was missing. That little brat!

Earlier, her elder one had taken her father's mobile phone to her nursery. When her teacher found it ringing in her bag, she simply shrugged and said, "athente appaayedeya"

Sephy, the villain-est (dont know wther the word exist, i meant the superlative of villainousness) among the boys used to throw off his paternal grandpa's false teeth to the parambu and then the poor old man had to set out for a 'treasure hunt' in order to take a bite. 

Once when he hurt his leg as it got stuck in his Dad's bike wheels, I called him up to enquire how he's doing. To my surprise, it was Sephy who attended it.The moment he understood it was me calling, he asked, "enda viliche, kalyanam vallom aayo?". My jaws dropped hearing the question from a six-year-old chimp.

But the most embarassing one was during some marriage function or something.

The ex-military uncle mentioned above was blessed with his first child then. And his wife is lovingly called "Maya" at home. Maya aunty's father had also come home when all this happened and he was playing with his brand new grandchild, 3 or 4 months old then. Sephy and Amal was playing and running around, when they saw the baby being picked up by her Grandfather. These twosome did not recognise him and they questioned him and said "njangade maayaavide kochine avide vekkada", with the authority of their brother-ism. We didnt know where to hide our faces when the baby's grandfather looked all perplexed. 

Recently, my uncle said, "ivide ellaathintem kazhuthinu chuttum naaku aanu". Worst of it, he gave a character certificate to one of us. Unanimous reaction to that atrocity was- Avalku buddhi urachittilla, oru engineeringkaari, Alla pinne!

Jack of all trades

Behind every successful woman, there ought to be a man ( and vice versa). This is not to ardent feminists, though. By the way, I have two- again no time for doubts. One is my appa and the other is ma hubby.

Oomph, all men are alike.

Husbands tend to act like dad, sometimes, oh no, most of the times.

I think I'm being philosophical. Clap, Clap, you there, come back...

Ahem. By the way, this post was supposed to be about my dad, who can mend anything, be it an unresponsive switch, a leaking faucet, a stolen textbook or whatsoever. I remember reading somewhere that elder daughters take upon their father. Whatever be it, we both have same temper, moreover, that I'm sure of.

10 random facts about my father.

1. He's a proud "Government Servant". When I was young, I used to feel very uneasy with that phrase being written in the 'Father's occupation' column in my school records. Now that I have begun working, I know what it really means.

2. He's a strict disciplinarian when it comes to telephonic conversation. It should go like this, as he like it...

    Caller 1: Hello

    Caller2: Hello, ithu njaana ABC.

    Caller 1: Ha, endundu vishesham?

    Caller 2: Prathyekichu onnumilla. Veruthe vilichatha

    Caller 1: Ok, sheri. Vere onnumillallo?

    Slam!!!

    Caller 2: Alla, njan vilichathu... nge, appozhekum vecho...

3. He has an amazing collection of screws, nuts, bolts, screw drivers and so on and on and on. And he has promised that these items will be inherited by my husband, who eventually will have a bigger collection.

4. He loves picking the pepper from the one and only pepper creeper which helplessly clings to the neem tree at home.

5. He loves bringing children from the neighbourhood to our house for the sake of a candy. He loves them and they love their "appachan" also, as they call him.

6. Modesty, thy name is, you my father. He goes around in Tees and Lungi, telling he's doing chukku kachodam (dry ginger trade), while he belongs to the Indian Economic Service.

7. He reckons my mother by her initials. I've not seen anyone else doing that.

8. He loves the song "pardesi, pardesi" from Raja Hindustani and similar song with background score using Jhilmill instruments. He and his car flies in that pace when the music is blaring and we stick our heads out of the windows throughout the journey. We are referred to as "bandmela sangham" by people who choose to remain anonymous.

9. Being a diabetic, does not stop him from laying hands on chocolate, achappam, aval vilayichathu and the sweetest sweets ever found.

10. He is a diplomat by birth, who can talk India and Pakistan out of their minds, that both these nations may eventually jump and drown in the Indian Ocean.

The above facts are not prioritized and may get updated sooner or later...

Now your truly have to get back to work...

Happy Daughter's day

Lucky a daughter and daughter-in-law, that I am. That's because I was born of a southie Amma and after marriage I was transferred to the care of a northie mom-in-law.
Amma was the typical Kerala mom whose eyes used to roll out even at the mention of threading of eyebrows. Her being a teacher made rules @ home even more stricter. Appa used to work out of town mostly leaving Amma and the 2 kiddos for the entire week and came home only for the weekend. She's always seen busy with something or the other.

Trivandrum being the capital city, was a destination for many of our relatives mainly during emergencies. Amma was always there to help and I have thousands of people out there to vouch for me. Rarely was she out of work, if all work in the world was finished, she would be seen inventing a whole new world itself to keep herself engaged.

At home, apart from cleaning and cooking, she'll be drying chilly/coriander/ rice/ dont-know-what in order to powder them and store it up or maybe she'll be making chips/kuzhalappam/ achappam/ chammandipodi/ pickle or she'll be embroidering a new saree. Oh did I miss the coconut drying session which is an annual ritual?

Apart from all this, she's a favourite teacher among her students. Being in this profession for more than 30 years, there's a huge populace on which she has left her mark. It's a pleasure being asked " LG teacherude molalle?"

Now about us.
We were the usual maa-beti duo who fought often, over silly matters, of course. But now after marriage, I miss her so much. Calling her up for general advice and recipes is just one slice of it. Fevers can trigger the senti over and over again.Yes, I miss her too badly when I feel sick with fever or cold. Maybe it's for the kanji and cherupayar thoran, maybe for the feeling of being guarded over, I cant find an exact reason.

What I know for sure is that I love you, Amma

On this Daughter's Day, my post goes out to all those daughters of the world who never realised their mother's love and the love they had for their mothers', until marriage separated them.
Go ahead and hug your mom, all your girls and Happy Daughter's Day...

First things first

My first step into a whole new world...
Ice-breaking session is first in the agenda. Yours truly is a humble lass (packaged applause, expected) who an year and a half ago, lived with parents and a scringy bro in the capital city of Kerala. Though born to a family of a nuclear size, me took pride in being the eldest grand daughter in both parents' family.
Now the tables have turned, drastically...
Once I stepped into marital bliss, she was to be the youngest of her Gen-X in the family, which was huge, now counting themselves to 22 almost (one of us is on the way).
And about my Mr. J, he is the sweetest while sleeping. Oh I'm just kidding, he seems quite patient with the usual hell-breaking sessions of mine. Best friend, who in course of time agreed to bear with me for a whole lifetime.
Lots to share, wait and watch all out there...
Cya...